Smokin'

I brought up smoking as an example in the previous post - and I realize that it's a charged subject.  There is an element of physical addition to nicotine, but the psychological piece is much larger.  Physical addiction can last up to two weeks; psychological addiction lasts for years.  I know.  I've smoked for five years, having quit seven years ago.  I still wake up dreaming of smoking cigarettes sometimes.  The overwhelming feeling of these dreams is disappointment - I gave in.  And then a relief - it was just a dream.

I started when I was 18, through a friend.  Isn't there always a friend who 'starts' us?  It was a lazy hazy summer and I kept bumming cigarettes until I got the idea that she was fed up with my bumming, so I started buying my own packs.  We'd quit when we're done with college, we'd tell ourselves.  We bought patches.  Once I put a patch on that had way more nicotine in it than I consumed at the time.  That was a great day.

Then I graduated.  I went back home and smoked "only when I drank".  That happened often enough to keep me a regular smoker.  I went back to school.  Again, I'll quit pretty soon.  Then, one day I caught myself thinking - I will get home, have a drink and a cigarette.  Since I smoked only when I drank, I needed a drink so that I could have my cigarette.  Engage Emergency Breaks.  A path to alcoholism was clear in front of me.  That was also around my 23d birthday.  It seemed like it was such a significant number at the time.  So I decided to quit cold turkey.  I broke down once (again, while drinking) and through the haze, I remember one of my best friends trying to dissuade me.  She gave me the cigarette, but I remember her tone and concern.  She really wanted me to succeed in this quitting smoking business.  That was the last time I had a cigarette.

A part of me did it for her too.