Each post - these are early days - I find myself describing my reasons for writing this blog. I guess they want to get onto the screen. At the bottom of it all, is my desire to share my experiences in hope of helping others who may be dealing with similar issues. I am creating a space to express and solidify new ideas that I am discovering. It is also a space to push past barriers of fear that foster inaction. The most immobilizing fear, I found, is the one in my mind. And the mind can be a lonely place.
Today I'd like to discuss the concept of change. How do we change a behavior, a habit? There are books and blogs and probably industries dedicated to this topic. I am very much a book person. Whenever there is an issue in my life, I go to books. Recently (after my epiphany about barriers) I've been going through books on overcoming fears. A very powerful tool that came into my hands is a book called "Aikido in Everyday Life" by Terry Dobson and Victor Miller.
The first step to change is the realization that one is necessary. If you think all is hunky dory, you're not inclined to change anything. Going on the assumption that a person isn't happy with something in their life, Dobson and Miller ask - well, why not just change it? Why can't we just quit smoking, or start exercising, or go to bed early for once!? What's stopping us? The authors of "Aikido" suggest that there is a part of us that prefers and likes things just as they are. There is a piece of us that enjoys the rebellion against society (or parents) that may be associated with smoking or staying up late. Maybe it's how we give ourselves a break in the middle of the mad dash of life. Maybe the smoking is a social glue that helps to establish and retain a connection with friends we love. At the end - it's all about acceptance and love. Look, Ma, I am smoking, I am a rebell - you still love me, right? Well, even if you don't, I've got buddies who accept me just as I am - smoking and all! And, at any rate, I indulge in smoking because I'm cool and I love myself! But the trade off here is health and future and time with our kids and maybe even grand kids.
Once we are conscious of the trade off, we can directly deal with the issue of change. We can ask ourselves - is feeling rebellious or 'relaxed' or socially accepted a good enough reason to light up a cigarette and smoke it? The answer may be no and that can help in the change process. The key is that it's conscious We might also decide - the hell with health and future - my twenties are forever, pass the lighter. I believe that's ok too because I believe in freedom of choice. The problem is when people aren't aware of the choice they're making. For me that's been the source of self-flagellating internal monologues. If the goal (and it is certainly my goal) is to be confident and at peace with one self, then being aware of choices we make is paramount. I hope that by writing about it here I can take a step towards internal peace and perhaps even nudge somebody else towards it.
Thank you for reading!
Irena
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